Kuwentista. Artista. Inhinyera. Hilaw na Haponesa!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Katakot ba ako?

Alam ko na sagot diyan. Oo, nakakatakot daw ako. Ganyan naman talaga parating first impression sa akin e. Ewan ko nga ba. Basta there's something about me that makes me less approachable or something. Kesiyo, strong daw ang personality ko, ang taray ko daw makatingin, matalas magsalita, moody, ano pa ba? Basta, most people who meet me for the first time has many points, reasons why they think of me that way.

But for my family and close friends, they pretty much know that I'm one of the persons they shouldn't be scared of. Yes, I have a strong personality but I easily break down and cry. Mataray ako makatingin, pero di ko sinasadya yun, my eyes have its own talent.:) Matalas magsalita, guilty! Usually, I don't spend time to think anymore of the things to say that words (kahit pangit na talaga madalas) just literally come rushing out of my mouth. And this is actually one of the reasons why i hurt the feelings of my loved ones, friends and others. I'm not proud of this at all. But I really find it difficult to eliminate, abandon this not good-trait of mine. Instead, I just try to make it up to the person I hurt because I hate it when someone has ill-feelings towards me. Moody, siguro nga. But not really. Let's just put it this way. I'm the type of person who enjoys hanging out with friends, making noises, has no reservations whatsoever in being stupid in front of them. Madalas ganyan ako. But there are also times (na madalas din) that I just prefer to be quiet, not talk, or not to initiate the talking. Pag nagkakaganyan ako, alam na ng mga kaibigan ko lalo na ng pamilya ko na tinotopak na naman ako. They know how to handle the situation and how to deal with me, and it all depends on what I'm doing at the time being. So, I don't call myself moody. Crazy but not moody =D. I am a self-confessed schizo! Bwahahahaha!

Tuloy, nalulungkot ako pag nalalaman kong takot ang isang tao sa'kin. Coz this would mean two things, either hindi pa nila ako lubusang kilala or hindi ko rin talaga naipakilala ang sarili ko. Haaaay, if changing personalities was just such an easy thing to do, i would have done it already. Kaya lang hindi e. But that doesn't mean that I am not trying. Yun nga lang, thoughts come so often that I don't have to please everybody and this hinders me to change. Nobody's perfect right? So spare me and let's accept the fact that every person is unique and has his differences. Kaya eto ako, tinatanggap at patuloy na tatanggap na meron at merong matatakot sakin. Huhuhuhu.

Haaaaay, humaba na naman ang trail of thoughts ko na madalas eh wala na namang patutunguhan...O well...

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Malala na ako...

Hindi ako makapaniwala na sa buong panahon ng biyahe ko eh isang kanta lang ang paulit-ulit ko na pinakinggan ko. Isa lang ibig sabihin nito, malala na nga ata ako! Shempre kahit papano nakakarelate ako pero hindi rin masiyado... labo no!?! O well, eto na lang yung song...

I Miss You So Much
TLC
I never asked for this feeling
I never thought I would fall
I never knew how I felt
Till the day you were gone
I was lost
I never asked for red roses
I wasn't looking for love
Somehow I let my emotions take hold
And guess what all at once
I'm in love

[Chorus:]
Oh I miss you so much
I long for your love
It's scares me
Cuz my heart gets so weak
That I can't even breathe
How can you take things so easily
Baby why aren't you missing me?

Why did I act like you mattered
It was silly of me to believe
That if I just opened my heart
Things would come naturally
Jokes on me (yeah)
I did not ask for love letters
So why did you give them to me
How could I let your intentions
Get hold over me
So in love
So naive (oh baby)

[Chorus]

And oh how I hate what you have done
Made me fall so deep in love
Got no cure
You're the only one I want
That I love oh baby

[Chorus]

Baby why aren't you missing me?
Baby why aren't you missing me?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Think of Her and not Cry but Smile

I want to be invisible. I want to go to a place where I can be alone. A place where I could cry as much as I want to and nobody would see me and wipe away my tears. A place where I could scream and nobody would hear me and ask me to quiet down. As much as I want to deny it, I feel that I am not yet able to accept the fact that Mommy's not with us anymore. I mean, the thousand times that I've been happy for the past three years could never equal out the feeling of emptiness everytime I realize that she's gone.

I hate the fact that I don't have a Mommy anymore. I know that my true friends especially my family, Papa, Kuya, Ate, Diko, Uncle and Auntie will always be right behind me. I actually wouldn't have survived all the troubles and difficulties without them but everything would be different if she's still here. Everything's in order, organized, everything seems easier. I'm not a Mommy's girl, but I don't know, I would have felt more secured if she's still with us.

I envy my friends because their moms are still with them. She can go with you to the mall anytime you want to. She can help you choose clothing, shoes and stuff and tell you, "Anak, hindi sa'yo yan bagay. Mas bagay yung isa sa'yo." You can ask her to buy you stuff and she'll say, "Anak, saka na lang kasi kulang ang pera natin," but it's alright with you. That in times you're sick, she's there patiently waiting for your fever to go down and unceasingly care for you. She's right beside you to change the towel she puts on your forehead. She carefully chooses and cooks the food that you can eat while your tummy is still having a hard time digesting food of some sort. She's waiting everytime you go home late. She's present in every activity that you're involved with to shout out some cheer, and tells everyone how great you are and how proud she is of you and everything you've done. And that in times that you feel helpless and everything that you're doing is going somewhere but the right direction your mom will tell you, "Kaya mo yan, anak." She's there waiting, willing to accept no matter how bad the things that you did and willing to forgive no matter how bad you've been. These might just be very simple things for others. But these are the things that I always miss and will keep on missing because I know that they will never happen and i will never get to experience these things with my mom ever again.

Yes, three years have already passed but I still cry everytime I think of her. I miss her so much. God knows how much I do. He knows how much I am trying to live a righteous life and to not stray from it. I actually await Jesus' second coming so that my family and I could be together once again. It sounds as if I want to already get ahead of time but it's true, I really do think of it. As much as I want the time to go faster, it could never be. I, together with my family still have a very long journey to take and endure without her.

I hope that God would soon grant my prayer. That is, I won't be envious anymore of my friends who still have their moms. And that I will be thinking of Mommy and not cry but just smile.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Huwag ngang Tanga!!!

I should've posted this last night. But thanks to YBB user, he has already managed to make his network secured!!! Soooo selfish! Waaaaa! In short, I won't be online as often as before. I guess I'd have to go down to either room 306 or 206 to go online

Important: Bawal maniwala, ang maniwala... TANGA!

Huwag ngang Tanga

kasabay nang pagmulat ng aking mga mata
ay ang pagnanais na ikaw ang mamalas
maramdamang sa halip na ang manipis na kumot
ang init mo ang siyang sana sa akin ay bumalot.

pangarap lang.

binibilang ang bawat oras na lumilipas
umaasang sa ika-apat ay may matanggap mula sayo
ika-lima, ika-anim, wala, ika-pito,
tulad ng dati ay nananatiling bigo.

hayaan lang.

kung paanong binibilang ang oras
ay gayon din ang pagbilang sa mga araw
mga araw na nalalabi pa
hanggang sa tayong dalawa'y muling magkita.

sabik lang.

wala na nga bang maaaring magbago
patuloy lamang at matiyagang aasa
na sa mga panahong nananatili dito
kahit minsan ay maalaala mo ako?

parati na lang.

hindi ko alam kung paano ang umiwas
kung paanong alisin ka sa aking isipan
marahil ay tanga nga akong matatawag
para hayaang sa'yo ang sarili'y tuluyang mahulog.

tama na. sayang lang.

kung ang naidudulot sa akin nito ay mga ngiti,
sapagkat nanabik sa bagong araw na darating.
mga imahinasyong walang panahong hindi magkasama
at magkaagapay sa lahat ng oras at sandali.

sayang nga ba?

kung nung una'y nalamang kong may pagtingin din
ngunit di lamang tama ang pagkakataon
tama bang umasa, na sa biglang ihip ng hangin
sa gawi ko ay muli kang mapatingin?

malabo...
posible pero imposible...
gusto mo siya, gusto ka niya...
pero di ka niya mahal...
kaya ikaw...
ikaw kamo ... huwag ka ngang tanga!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Meeting.Bonding.Tulog.Gala.

Meeting ... May 19 ... 9:10 PM
As usual, nagmeeting kaming mga NPI peeps sa room 206. Every last working day kasi of the week, bawat isa eh nagrereport ng mga kung anu-ano sa work at mga concerns nila sa mga Hapon. Haaaay, concerns nga naman. Sa sarili lang naman naming mga meeting kami nakakapag-concern sa mga Hapon e samantalang sila shempre diretso ang concern sa amin sa Bucho. Oo, unfair talaga! Pero as if naman we have a choice. Simple lang naman sana ang gusto naming i-feedback tungkol sa kanila e. Pero gusto kung ipauna na hindi naman lahat sa kanila eh gusto naming i-concern, sadyang may iba lang na hindi namin mapagtiisan. Eto...
1) Sana maligo sila araw-araw. Kung ayaw talaga nilang araw-araw, payag na kami sa gabi-gabi. Nakakahilo kayang sumakay sa elevator lalo na't pag kakababa lang nila.
2) Sana magtoothbrush sila after every meal. Nakakahilo kasi talagang maamoy yung natuyong amoy ng kape sa mga bibig nila tsaka yung amoy ng hilaw na isda pagkatapos makapananghali.
3) Sana yung iba sa kanila, pagkatapos mag-CR, maglinis at maghugas ng maayos. Aba! kawawa naman yung NPI peeps sa production na nakakasalamuha nila.
4) Sana kahit minsan naman, eh ngitian ako ni Tsubo pag nakakasalubong niya ang mga Pinoy.
5) Sana tama na ang pagtatanong nila kung ok lang mag-OT kasi hindi naman pedeng humindi. Wag nang magbait-baitan, sabihin na lang nila mag OT ang mga NPI production peeps. "NPI... zangyou dekiru?" Takte!
Tapos yun, ano bang mga ni-report ko? What I did mainly for the week was to make a report regarding the NG Claim report from our Whetron customer. Takte, kasi puros "No Signal" yung UT. Pero, halleour!?! Customers naman kaya yung may kasalanan. Puros pulled yung harness e. At oo! Talagang nakita na pulled ang ends ng harness. If there's one good thing that I liked when this task was passed on to me is that I was able to learn how to operate the Scanning Electon Microscope (SEM) and EDS. Sorry but I don't know what does EDS stand for. Tinanong ko naman sina Yamakage Kakaricho and Yamada san kaya lang hindi niya rin alam e! =D Ang alam ko kasing EDS is something like Electronic Data System but I don't think they're the same thing. O well, I'll have to find out next time. It should be quite easy to operate the machine but I had a hard time remembering the procedure. Actually, I don't think anybody who is not Japanese will find it easy considering my Sensei can't speak English plus the fact that all working instructions/manual are written in Japanese. Tapos, ano pa ba? Member na rin ako ng kiskis kalawang group! Ahahaha! And tinapos din yung report for the experiment regarding frequency shift of items(after PZT gluing) after painting. Haaaaay...

Bonding ... May 19 ... before 12 mn
Ayon, matapos ang meeting, pakain ni Sir Emer ng Pizza kasi 5 years na siya sa NPI!!! Tapos, bonding! Pero kakaiba to, first time na talagang makumpleto , pero hiwa-hiwalay. May nagbinggo, may nakikipagchat (ako yun!), pero nung mga 1230 na, may bagong nabuong grupo at hahaha! usapang pag-ibig at sex. Grabe, mula nang dumating ako dito at may ganito kaming mga bonding, ngayon lang namin napag-usapan to. Kanya-kanyang tanong, bahala na kung sinong gustong sumagot at umamin. Hehehe. Tanong about relationships, heartbreaks (hmmm...conservative ano!?!) hanggang sa O**y, M*st*r*8***, B*, Ka** S*tr* (sensored... nahiya akong isulat ng diretso eh!). Ang nakakatawa lang dito kasi, kung sino pang mga may asawa, sila pang walang alam!!! laki tuloy ng pasalamat nila samin kasi now they know what they have to do to their husbands at wife when they go home. =D =D =D yehesss!!! Asteeeeg kasi minsan lang na walang o-sodachi o black nika o vodka o tequilla, pero nakatagal kami ng alas-4 ng umaga. Kung di siguro naubos yung buto ng kalabasa na kinakain namin eh hindi pa kami matutulog eh.

Tulog ... May 20 ... past 4am
Ayun nga, umakyat kami ng 407 ng mga 4:30 am na siguro yun. Tapos hindi pa ako nakuntento, naginternet pako at nagcheck kung may online sa YM. check ng friendster, mail, ringo tapos takte dito sa Japan! mag-aala singko pa lang eh sisikat na ang araw. Kaya yun! napilitan na akong matulog. Hala kasi! Baka hindi na ako makatulog kapag lumiwanag na talaga.

Gala ... May 20 ... 2pm
Yehesss. Nagising na kami sa wakas. Kumain lang kami ng konti tapos naligo na rin. Shempre! Gala ito. Hehehe. Bike to the max. Nakarating na naman kami ng Yamada, K's, Marugo, TOSC at 171. Namalengke tapos sa wakas, nakabili na ako ng Ipod Nano ng Diko ko!!!! Yey, ipapadala ko kasi sa kanya e. Weeheeheehee. Pero hindi naman ako superexcited kasi hindi ko pa siya binubuksan. Mga bukas siguro.

Ayun na! Madaling araw na at kelangan ko pang gumising ng alas 6 dahil ako'y pupunta pa ng Kobe. Sasamba ako eh. :)

Oyasumi!!!!